(Click on the video at the bottom of the post to listen to
an instrumental piano solo to the theme of Psalm 139)
I felt horrible guilt like pretty shoes that took a step through putrid mire. Could everyone see I was covered in muck? I was a disappointment. I did wrong. I made a wrong choice, and this wasn't the first time or the last. My flaws were so glaring. I could never be used for good.
You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Then I remember those words in Psalm 139 like God gently reminding me, “I made you. I know everything about you. None of your sins are hidden from me and still I love you.” Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Or in our vernacular, I just can’t wrap my mind around the goodness of grace.
It’s so beautifully humbling to be known so well. While it inspires my gratefulness, I also feel the need to flee from baring my soul. I cry, “Don’t look at my flaws!” The writer of this passage said, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” He goes on to say that from the heavens to the depths of the earth, He will find you.
Hiding from God is not only impossible, it is unnecessary. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16). His eyes saw an unformed body and He delighted.
My anxious thoughts are nothing new. The glaring sin that left me feeling dirty and unworthy is known by God. He wants to forgive and move on. The writer, in essence, says, "Take my hand and guide me through this." “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me... Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24). May we be searched by God today and find strength and forgiveness in being known by Him.
|Image by Greg Olson, Forgiven|