Accidental Invitations

Matthew 6: 19-24 and Luke 6:43-45


Teddy Bear is a stuffed animal and he can do things people can’t do. I find this is my four year old’s interpretation of what his favorite stuffed animal can and cannot do.

Teddy Bear is always up to mischief. Imagined—thank goodness. By my son has terrified me a couple of times. Like the time I heard, “Mom, Teddy Bear was in the bath, and he dumped all the water over the side, onto the floor and then he took his bath on the floor.” He tells the tails of Teddy Bear with the same fondness a mother yammers on about the cute thing her kid did jus the other day.




I have a feeling my son is testing my reaction to see if he could get away with carrying out the things he has imagined for Teddy Bear. Kind of a safe way to do it, I suppose. Also, in this Mommy’s opinion, stinkin’ adorable.




Lately, Teddy Bear has been asking anything and everything into his heart.




“Last night, Teddy Bear accidentally asked Iron Man into his heart.”




“Last night, Teddy Bear accidentally asked Legos into his heart.”




At first, I let is slide. It was kinda cute. Then I started to wonder if we needed to have a talk. So last night, I sat Teddy Bear down, on my son’s lap, and I tried to explain to him, in a way a four year old and a stuffed animal might understand how careful we need to be about who and what we invite into our hearts and how very important our hearts are. I hope he got the gist of it.




Just as I was pulling out “No one can serve two masters” and “out of the overflow of a man's heart the mouth speaks” I felt that uncomfortable sting of conviction.




I looked back at my week and the things I have “accidentally” invited into my life: busyness, anger, selfishness… I have served these masters. The first one leads to the other two.

No one can serve two masters.

The context is money, but the concept is applicable across the board. We cannot yield control of our life to sin and simultaneously live a Godly life. I know it’s a no brainer. But anger doesn’t seem sinful when there is play dough and feet and upholstery involved. Selfishness doesn’t seem sinful when what we want is so obviously more important. And busyness. It doesn’t have to be a sin, but when it runs our lives, we are serving it, worshipping it, and that sure is a sin.




What we invite into our hearts defines who we are. It doesn’t matter if the invitation is intentional or accidental, it’s there, and it effects our attitude, our actions and reactions and our words.

Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I am so thankful for a constantly forgiving Father. He stands by us when it’s time to repent and kick out the unwanted guests, and also does the heavy lifting when necessary.

My son got the four sentence version of this blog post. I appreciate the opportunity to unload the rest of it on listening ears. I’m not sure he or his bear learned anything, but I know I did, and I hope you did too.

Santa vs. Jesus

Santa lives at the North Pole...
JESUS is everywhere.
        

Santa rides in a sleigh...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Controlling the Hulk

Read Ephesians 4



 Raise your hand if you are a control freak. Don’t be shy ladies. I never used to consider myself a control freak until I became a Mom. Now that I control menus and schedules for my family I consider myself a bonafide freak.




 Funny how my control freak status flies out the window when it comes to controlling my temper.




 I’m sure you’re dying for an example! My parents got my four year old a ridiculously large semi-truck with a trailer for Christmas last year. I was in his room trying to put away laundry when I walked into it and stubbed my toe. Apparently a toe stub is all it takes to turn me green and transform me into the Hulk. I dropped the laundry I was holding, glared at the toy, stomped on it, and broke it in half.




 Feeling somewhat satisfied I picked up the laundry, then looked up and saw my teary eyed four year old standing in the doorway. Whoops. Then I lied and said it was an accident. Don’t you dare judge me.




 “A quick tempered person does foolish things...” (Proverbs 14:17)




 There are those days that I’ve just had it with everything and everyone around me. I’ll snap at one of my boys or I’ll get irritated about something that wouldn’t normally bother me.




 How many times are you having a “heated” discussion with someone and the phone rings, you pick it up, and in your cheeriest voice say, “hello...” and proceed to have the phone conversation without a hint of frustration? That is you controlling your temper folks.




 We ARE capable of it! God gave us the ability to use kind words. He has given us the option to speak with a controlled tongue. He also instructs us to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger...” (Ephesians 4:31).




 When you are having one of those days, it makes it hard to look at your child’s little face and remember what a blessing they are. It’s so much easier to lash out and try to satisfy that angry Hulk inside of you. But the result is a teary eyed little four year old who tells his Sunday school teacher that you stomped on his truck.




 The option to reject a sour reaction is indeed a blessing. The victory is so sweet when we choose to have a good attitude! We are in control of how we respond to our children. Stepping barefoot on a barbie shoe, finding blue paint splattered on the carpet, noticing a half eaten banana under the couch, or a room that’s still not clean are not excuses to get mad.




 We let our minds manipulate us into thinking it’s ok. Choose to control it. Take a deep breath and whisper a prayer. Imagine if God turned into the Hulk each time we disobeyed Him. I can guarantee there would be some really BIG stomp imprints on everything I own! But He doesn’t work like that. He understands, He loves, and He trusts that we will work to improve.

 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, 

but only what is helpful for building others up according 

to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” 

 (Ephesians 4:29)

By Ashley Kahl, at the Ugly Homemaker

Becoming Flesh [Of Kids and Christmas]

Read John 1:1-18



By Rachel Jankovic as published at Desiring God: God Centered Resources from the Ministry of John Piper 

One of the serious responsibilities of parenthood is pulling off Christmas. If you have a little posse of kids you already know what I am talking about. Weeks and weeks of mad-dashing and shopping and wrapping and brainstorming and decorating and planning and pouring eggnog and peeling baggy oranges and unsticking candy-canes from table tops and carpets and the bottom of hot chocolate mugs. Frantically realizing that you failed to mail packages in time, or that you forgot to order in time for free shipping, or that you still haven’t done the gingerbread house kit with the kids, and that you’ve even managed to fall four days behind on the Advent calendar.



Then there are all the things that you are trying to do differently than last year — the things learned from unfortunate experience. Correcting gift imbalances. Learning what kinds of stocking stuffers actually survive past Christmas afternoon.



And, of course, you are stressing yourself out with what seems like completely unnecessary work. Who wanted to sew everyone new pajamas in the first place? Who thought we should be knitting the Christmas stockings? Why is it after midnight and I am still up making caramels? What is the point of messing around with a real tree, with lights, with sick amounts of baking?



On top of this, basic parenting through the Christmas season can be a real minefield, too. Sometimes the kids start being greedy, sometimes things that you wanted to be special aren’t even noticed. Sometimes no one wants to sing Christmas carols around the dinner table.



Christmas comes to the real families of this real world. Often, it doesn’t look like a catalog shot, but more like a blooper reel. Turkeys burn. Gravy clots into lumps. Presents that you thought came with batteries didn’t. You end up presenting someone’s gift in a garbage bag. Kids might get grabby around the Christmas tree. People might not like the gift you thought they would like, and they can even be too tired to pretend. Headaches know no seasonal bounds. Life happens.



This is why we have all heard people talk about Christmas like we all just need to get a grip. Where has our spirituality gone that we are worrying about a holiday five weeks in advance? Real Christians would celebrate quietly around the fire with some spiritual reflections, perhaps some small handmade token, or just a loving smile. There would have been no stress in that Christmas, only calm. There would be a sensibly portioned meal with no excess of pie or fudge or stray cookie platters. There would be some restraint. What are we really teaching our children about holy days? And why are we apparently so willing to float down the raging stream of our consumerist culture?



I certainly support the variety of traditions that people use to celebrate Christmas, but there is one very important part of Christmas that is all too often overlooked, and it applies to everyone. Brace yourselves. . . .
Christmas is the ultimate celebration of the material. Because Christmas is the time when God became man. Word to Flesh. Unfettered spirit to the hazards and joys and stresses of physical life. Think about it. Some people want to filter the material out of Christmas and morph it into some pure ethereal spirit religious day. And some people want to filter all the spiritual out of it and make it simply a holiday celebrating the purchasing power of plastic. But the power of Christmas is when spiritual and material meet. And it always has been. That is the joy of the season, that is the good news, that is the laughter and the paradox and the earth-shaking magic of Christmas. The infinite Word became a physical baby.



It wasn’t like that first Christmas was a time of quiet reflection. Mary and Joseph were on a huge last-minute trip. And she’s big pregnant on a donkey? Think of it. It sounds like the worst travel experience of all time. No room. No bed. No privacy. Baby coming. Not just any baby either — one Mary knew was the Messiah. Angels? Shepherds dropping in? You think she felt dressed for that? I doubt Mary had time to throw together a cheese platter. She was in a barn, forced to place the King of kings — her Lord — in a trough. And I doubt her livestock roommates were quite as cute as they look in the storybooks.



The truth is, that’s what it’s like when the Spiritual becomes Material. When God became Man. It’s not easy, because it turns the world upside down, a true cataclysm of joy.



Our celebrations aren’t supposed to be smooth, effortless bits of quiet either. They should be as big and as glorious and as spiritual and as physical as we can make them.



Clearly, the attitude with which everything is done is important. If the house is full of physical holiday cheer, but Mom is yelling about the snow boots by the door, the blending has not been complete. If Christmas dinner turns out beautifully, but no one wants to be together, something has gone wrong. But the remarkable thing is that doing it all wrong, having bad attitudes, and resenting the work will not affect the power of Christmas at all. The neighbors throwing money at their children and resenting each other will not slow down anything.



That first Christmas was enough for all time, and no amount of fussing from us about all the busy work will slow it down. We can give each other stink-eyes all day long, and the world will just go on being transformed. The only thing that we can actually damage by losing sight of the point of Christmas is our children.



Because what we do on Christmas is an acted out statement of faith. To our children, we are Christmas. We are their memories. We are the story. We are acting out both the surprised shepherds in the fields with their problems and squabbles and regular lives, and also the heavenly host that came to them singing, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will towards men.”



We can’t stop being the shepherds this side of glory, and God doesn’t want us to. He wants us to be the shepherds the whole way through that story. Listening, fearing, following, worshipping. We are bringing our children alongside us as we come in out of our worldly fields, smelling like sheep, to fall at the feet of an infant king in a trough, beside livestock and an exhausted teenaged mother. This is what Christmas is all about. So stay up past twelve making fudge, and do it laughing. Revel in the candy-cane carnage and sap and shopping and crunchy pine-needles in the carpet. Show your children that we serve the Word made Flesh.

Something Beautiful

Read Jeremiah 31

I am struggling to find a way to make myself attractive
to You.


I am trying to be more deserving of the gift You gave
to me, so free.


I am searching for the water that can wash me clean
enough to earn Your love.


I want to stop all the things that break Your heart, but
come so natural to me.


It's funny how all I can be is someone completely ugly, and yet when You look at me,


You don't see a wretch,


You see a reflection


of something beautiful.


I can't believe You could fall in love with me.

Lyrics by Todd Agnew

We try to make ourselves attractive to God in countless ways, but he is not looking for perfection, he’s looking for the person he created.


We try to earn his love, but we cannot, because it is a gift he has already given.


We search for ways to clean ourselves enough to be in his presence, but our righteous acts are like filthy rags.


Under our own power, we try to break free from our bondage to sin. But only his power is strong enough to release us.


We cannot imagine that we, yet sinners, could be loved enough to deserve Christ’s sacrifice. But the facts are facts.


He loves us. We stand before him attractive, deserving, washed clean, and beautiful.


“I can’t believe You could fall in love with me.”


Believe it. Belief turns our wretchedness into a mirror reflecting his astounding beauty.

“Arise, my darling,

my beautiful one, come with me.

See! The winter is past;

the rains are over and gone.

Flowers appear on the earth;

the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit;

the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

my beautiful one, come with me.”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Living and Active

Read Mark 1:29-31


I unearthed my Bible. It doesn’t take long for it to get buried, a day or two of mail coming in or kids’ books being moved around and it’s out of sight, out of mind. Then the world starts feeling frantic, tensions mount, and chaos begins intruding. I stop about wondering what happened to my cozy little world and how such small things can make it seem so chaotic. Then I remember. And I dig out the Bible.

This book, is so. very. Special. I put my hands on the cracked leather cover, I flip through the filmy pages, and I know. I just know that what ever words I come across will breathe life into me. And they do. Weather I end up in Jeremiah, John or Jude, the Words of God bring comfort.


I feel weight lifted off my shoulders, I feel my lungs fully inflate.


God’s Word is alive and active and I know this to be true, because I have experienced it so many times in my life.


And I’ve neglected it so many times.


Instead of heading straight to it when life gets crazy, I stack bills on top of it.


Today, I read the tiny, short little story of when Jesus healed Peter’s mother-in-law. He took her hand, helped her sit up, and the fever suddenly left. Poof. Gone. Beth Moore points out, “Christ could have healed [her] from the front porch. He didn’t. He came to her and drew down close. After all, she was in no position to help herself.”


That is exactly how I felt when I cracked open the Bible this morning. Like I invited Christ in off the porch. He drew down close, and I felt better immediately. My life issues didn’t magically resolve themselves. Nothing tangible changed in the slightest. But I remembered who was in charge. And that he cares. He really cares enough to get in close and equip me to get up and begin serving.

God's Extravagance

Read Philippians 4:9-19




My children stomped up from the basement, discontent oozing from their slumped shouldered postures. "We're bored," they whined.



I was immediately filled with anger and hurt. My strong emotions about a common childhood complaint wasn't due entirely to over-active hormones. Let me tell you about our basement:




Last winter and spring, my husband I spent an exorbitant amount of time and quite a bit of money to turn our dark, icky, dank, moldy, cold basement into a warm, dry, pretty, clean, playroom paradise. We worked and worked, scrubbing and cleaning, building and refurbishing, to make a place they would enjoy playing. It was all for them.




Our basement playroom works out beautifully most of the time. All the kids' toys are there from games to forts, even a tv. What's not to love?




Well, they were bored with it. And I was mad. How could they say that about such an extravagant gift?




Immediately I saw a correlation between my children's discontent with our man-made blessing and my own discontent with God's extravagance in my own life.




This time of year naturally brings out discontent. The new and shiny are advertised everywhere. What I have seems rather dull and boring compared to what's new and beautiful.




Paul the apostle says, "My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:18). His gifts are not only sufficient, they are ample and rich! How it must hurt God when we slather our attitudes with "this isn't good enough, I want more!"

(not actually my view, but close :)

I glanced out my window at a beautiful sunset the other evening. It lit the sky with oranges, pinks and purples. Usually I exclaim to my children, "Look! God painted the sky just for us!" Even the little things are gifts from Him. But that evening, the glory of God's artwork didn't impress me as much as the ugly power lines that ran from the road to my house and right through my view. I've never appreciated those power lines, although I whine like crazy if I don't have electricity.




My discontent blinded me to God's extravagance.

"For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received 

one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing 

and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift."

John 1:16

God's gifts are everywhere, He is hoping we take the time to see them.


And especially take the time to appreciate them.

"The art of deep seeing 

[of truly looking for God's extravagance] 

makes gratitude possible. 

And it is the art of gratitude that makes joy possible. 

Isn't joy the art of God?"

~ Ann Voskamp 

One Thousand Gifts 

Blown Away

Read Proverbs 31 (I know. But read it anyway. It's good for you).


By Kristen as published at (in)courage.me


As I sit here the wind outside is blowing. First one way and then another. The leaves can’t seem to find a solid place to land. It has been like this for a few days now. One moment our lawn is filled with leaves from the neighbor’s trees and when I look out again our lawn is surprisingly clear.



Such is my life at times.
Times when it seems like everything around me is blowing and changing and I just want to find a solid place to land.



It can start from the moment that I wake – so many things I think there is to do. And although I am up much earlier than I should need to be, I find myself blowing around until the door closes behind us.
And I am missing the opportunities to see and hear the sounds and beauty around me. I am so busy flying from one spot to another, looking for that solid place to land that I miss what is right in front of me.



The thump, thump of little feet running down the hallway.



A messy-haired bright-eyed boy who wants nothing more than to say good morning to his mama and have some juice.



A young boy who has questions about the world because he is trying to find his place in it.



When my focus is on myself and all that I think needs to be done in a day, I stop focusing on what God has placed as gifts right in front of me in my family.



Smiles and laughter, hugs and love, encouragement and respect.



These are the things that I need to be intentional about every day with my family. These are the things that I want them to remember about me.

Proverbs 14:1 “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”

Not that I got yet another load of laundry done, or vacuumed the floors again. While an important part of my families daily life – it isn’t what they should remember about me.



It shouldn’t be my main focus!

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

So as the winds blow outside I know that I do not have to be moved. I can secure my foundation on Christ. Focus on His will for me as a wife and mother. And start to become a Proverbs 31 Woman.

Proverbs 31:2 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.”

Proverbs 31:10-12 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

#1 Best Marriage Advice

Read I Corinthians 13 (the Message)




There are times when the whirling thoughts in my head spill out rather effortlessly on clattering keyboard letters and onto my glowing computer screen. I would call this inspiration. Whether my thoughts are more cohesive at that point or God is simply choosing to direct my message, I do not know.



There are other times when my whirling thoughts just spin like a blender stuck on high with the lid off. Some stuff spills out, but it looks like more of a mess than anything of value.




For a few weeks now I've been pondering and "whirling" about marriage.... how to have a happy marriage in particular. What is the one thing I could share that would encourage other couples to strive for a happy marriage?



I am blessed that my marriage is a very happy, safe, and loving place to be. Man, oh man, I'm in love with my man! I want to be able to share some deep thoughts about what I've learned over the years... but nothing of value is spilling out onto the page.



I've gone through many seasons in my marriage to my husband of nearly 10 years. You hear people say "it hasn't always been easy," and I would be in the camp to use those exact words. In fact, I've even said through tears to my husband, "Are we going to make it?" Obviously we made it through those hardest seasons and every day we keep working hard to make our relationship even stronger.



So many stress factors come into play in marriage. From personalities, past relationships, location, vocations, extended family, children, how many children and in how many years, genders of children, health, and money (or lack there of). My messy thoughts lead me to wonder, "How could I have any advice that would apply when marriages are SO different?"



I tried to write drivel on what should be such an inspiring and applicable topic, even skipping my assigned post for last week here on Drops. I remained stumped. It was in my days upon days of hesitation that I saw a link to an article. It was written by a widow of a soldier killed last year in Afghanistan. I never knew him, but he grew up in my hometown and I saw many references to him and his wife on facebook after his tragic death. Out of curiosity I followed the link and read.... and cried.... and read.... and cried.




She wrote near the end, "Sometimes I get so sad looking at couples wondering if they know how much they should relish every day together? Wondering if they know that it doesn’t matter if the house is clean... you should just sit down and enjoy each other's company. Wondering if they know if he forgets to take the trash out or doesn’t hear what you say it’s not the end of the world?"





Those words struck me and made my whirling messy thoughts settle. A happy marriage is so much about being grateful. It covers the variables in all sorts of different marriage relationships. When we approach marriage with a grateful heart, the little things that seem to be frustrating, irritating, or not working, are in the shadows compared to the good. Seeing the good is about keeping selfishness squelched, saying the kind thing, encouraging, thanking, holding, hoping, talking.



The woman's story really touched me. I am so very saddened by her loss -- she had such an obviously deep and fulfilling relationship with her husband. Her message stays with me, as I hope it does with you today too... Do you know what you have in the man you married and are you grateful in the small moments?

Love must be sincere. 

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:9-12

Read the story in its entirety here. Grab a tissue as you'll be sure to have tears in your eyes.

Strong Enough

Strong Enough by Matthew West


You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
For the both of us

Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
at rock bottom
that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough.

Battle Lines

Read Ephesians 6:1-4

A thump. A shriek. An answering shout. No one is injured. Of this I am certain. I don’t need to see what happened to know what happened. This scenario plays over and over and over. My kids are screaming at each other again. They are impatient and snarky. They are arguing over_____. It doesn’t really matter if it’s an argument worthy dispute. They are fully engaged, locked and loaded for full scale battle anyway.


And it makes me want to throw a tantrum worthy of a two year old. What makes them think they can talk to each other like that? As a person who avoids conflict whenever possible, these fights cause me a great deal of stress.


There are multiple schools of thought on how to handle these situations. “Just let them work it out,” some experts will say. But I have observed my children. They simply don’t possess the tools for working things out on their own. The altercation ends with both parties in tears and usually me adding my own raised voice to the mix. Letting them work it out was not working.


So the other day, I sat them down. At seven and four, they are mostly capable of rational thought. Depending on the moment.


“You two seem to get frustrated with each other really easily. I want you to tell me, and think about it before you answer. Do you hear me talking to you or your dad that way?” I don’t know why I was so sure they would say no. They didn’t though. Much to my surprise, they didn’t hesitate to knock me out with the truth. “yes.’ They replied in unison.


It took me a few days to come out of denial. Then I heard myself.


“Time to get your socks and shoes on.”

“Why?”

I sigh. I roll my eyes. “Do you have to question everything? Just put your socks on.”

“I can’t find my socks.”

“You were just wearing socks five minutes ago. What did you do with them.”

“I don’t know.”

“So find them!” More sighing. “What is taking you so long?”


My kids could make a ton of money in Vegas with their disappearing sock tricks. It drives me crazy. I’ve threatened to hot glue their socks to their feet. (I make idle threats sometimes). But they are kids. They are by nature irresponsible.


They don’t turn four and magically know that they need to keep track of socks, shoes and coats. Someone needs to train them. More effectively, apparently. I put unrealistic expectations on them, then get frustrated when they don’t make my standard. Not cool. I was teaching them by example to be impatient and rude.

“Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

So I sat them down again. I said, “The Bible tells us to be kind. From now on, in this house, we will be kind when we speak together. We are all going to work on this together. I want Jesus to be happy when he hears the way we talk to each other. I don’t want him covering his ears.”


So about a hundred times a day, I now here myself saying, both to them and to me, “what would be a more kind way to say that?”


My oldest has no problem catching himself and coming up with something pleasant to say. My youngest has a harder time. So I walk him through it.


“I didn’t know you were saving that Lego building for something special. I should have asked before I wrecked it.” I make him repeat after me. He hates this exercise and I am pretty sure he has changed his behavior more because he resents my interference than anything else. I will take whatever works.


We focus on how our words or actions made the other person feel. We talk about how to express our feelings without getting upset. We talk about what to do if you are having a hard time calming down (Walk away. Run if you have to. Count to 10. Again if you have to).


And I am learning right along with them. I am working hard at reigning in my spiritual gift of sarcasm. This project takes way more work than I anticipated. At first, it involved me involving myself in every single fight. No matter how unimportant, they needed to know that the principal was true no matter what. I don’t have to be quite so involved now as they are catching on.


How we phrase things makes a lot of difference. We were getting ready to leave today and I told them to put on socks and shoes.


“Why?”

I felt like sighing and rolling my eyes. Instead, I said. “You don’t need to ask why. You need to obey.”

“I can’t find my socks.”

“Let’s find you a pair. And when we get home, you can tuck them right into your shoes so when it’s time to leave again later, you will know right where they are.”


Nobody cried. Nobody threw fits. Weird.


I’m sure we will backslide a bit on our journey, but at least we are moving in the same direction. Siblings may not be matched up in temperament or interests, but that’s no reason to tolerate rudeness or meanness. I married a guy who’s temperament is vastly different than mine, but I managed to fall in love with him. Siblings can find common ground too. It’s a whole lot easier though if their parents lovingly guide them to it.