By Angela Nazworth as published on (in)courage.me
I play along. But he doesn’t fool me.
He’s my boy.
It takes just one clock’s hand tick for me to pick him out in a crowd. I know every single cowlick perched in his tousled blond head. I know when his aqua-marine eyes hold mischief, delight or a mixture of each. I know his laugh, his gait, and his voice (even when it is disguised).
He can call himself Batman. He can fight bad guys and save damsels like Batman. He can stand erect with his hands on his hips and his cape floating around him, but still, he doesn't fool me. I know him.
Truth be told. He knows he isn’t tricking me. After all, he doesn’t dress up to pull the wool over my eyes. He’s dresses up to play a role. He dresses up because when you’re three, it is fun to pretend that you are someone else. Someone heroic. Someone strong. It’s also healthy.
And when you are slightly (mild throat clearing inserted here) more than three decades old, it is sometimes fun
to pretend that you’re someone else too. Someone who is strong…invincible even. Someone who can solve unsolvable problems.
Someone who owns a heart immune to
But when you are a grown up, it is not healthy to assume a whole new identity. It is not good for the soul to hide away from reality. It is a sign of insecurity and not strength to mask weakness and not answer to your own name. Yet still, I do it. I pretend that I am capable of handling anything that comes my way…all by my little self. And sometimes I get so wrapped up into the role in which I inhabit that I do not even respond to my own name when it’s whispered by Him.
It’s almost comical, because I know I’m not fooling God. And honestly, I’m not trying to fool Him.
I’m trying to fool myself…trying to hide away from truths about myself that can be painful to accept…painful to examine…painful to change.
But even when I hide, my Father knows me.
He calls me.
He helps me untie my cape and remove my mask.
He forgives me.
He encourages me.
He loves me.
I am His.
Angela Nazworth is a flawed and forgiven wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. She’s also an encourager, a lover of good books, coffee, girl's night out, sunshine, and waterfalls. In the 11 years since she got married, Angela and her family have lived in 11 different homes in 8 different cities in 6 different states. This year, she and her husband switched places...he became a stay-at-home dad and she reentered the work force as a Corporate Communications Specialist for a prominent bank. Angela believes the creator of the universe is both the author of and lead character in her life story. With every experience she learns more about who she is in Him...and takes another step on her journey of “becoming me.”