12 years ago, I sat in a councilor’s office, my handsome fiancé at my side, and planned on happily after while the poor guy officiating our pre-marital counseling tried to infuse a bit of reality into our love bubble. I vaguely remember only one thing he told us.
“There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship. Someday one of you is only going to give 45%, and who makes up the difference? You both need to commit to giving 100%. Then there is no shortfall, only surplus.”
We couldn’t imagine giving any less than 100% at the time. The very idea! Of course I would always say only sweet things to him. Of course he would never cease to slay dragons on my behalf.
Of course we should have been taking notes.
There comes a time in every relationship where the shine wears off. The love bubble deflates; we catch each other giving less than 100%, and we keep track. We catch each other giving less than 50%. I confess my giving has been in the negative percents a few times in the last dozen years.
There comes a time when your white knight lets you down. Probably more than once. It’s inevitable that his shining armor will tarnish.
Because he is human. He’s just a guy after all.
We expect certain things of our husbands. We anticipate, wrapped in the warm, fuzzy cocoon of newlyweddedness, that our men will always want to listen to us. We expect they will always get us in that “he really gets me,” kind of way. He won’t.
Because he is human.
It’s times like this we wives want to take mental notes. He’s not living up to his end of the bargain--again.
What about when you really need him? Not like the time I needed my husband to drop everything and get a slug out of the utility room. He didn’t, so I had to. I locked him out of the house. *
Not that kind of stuff. The serious stuff. When you have emotionally been wrung out, you need your soul mate to lean on. You need that hero to be there for you. You need emotional support, but you’re not getting it. For one reason or another, he is not capable of being what you need him to be. Surely then you have the right to demand his attention. Surely in times like that you can rightfully throw a fit. Your indignation would be righteous.
I’m afraid that’s not how it works.
Adam sinned right along with Eve then blamed her for it. The original man, made in the image of God, breathing because of the Creator’s breath in him, let his woman down big time. And all human men have been behaving like humans ever since.
Even great and Godly men make mistakes.
A few days ago, we talked about making gods of your children. We do the same thing with our husbands. We buy into the soul mate thinking and expect things of our men we simply have to reason to expect. When we put on him that he should be the provider of our physical and emotional needs, we’re knocking God out of the role only He can fill.
When you’re husband is not equipped to handle what you need him to, you DO NOT have the right to demand him to. You DO NOT have the right to whine to your girlfriends or your mother about it. You are NOT entitled to keep a record of his wrongs.
Instead, go to the Source. There is one who can provide all your needs. All of them.
All of them.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
What a Friend we have in Jesus
Romance and soul mates are a great and wonderful gift from our loving Heavenly Father, but we need to stop worshipping the gift and adore the giver. Certainly we are to take very good care of the gifts he has given us. We are to delight in them, so savor every moment. We must learn to love like we are loved by the father, not to the extent we are loved by our men.
*FYI, I let him back in. I may have over reacted just a bit,