Friday, October 8

Real Help For Moms Dealing With Anger.

Posted by Alysun

Read Matthew 11:28-30 and II Corinthians 4:8-9

I love books. From fiction to non-fiction, my night table is about to collapse from my ready stack of vade mecums. I believe the Bible is the ultimate source of knowledge and I appreciate authors who address specific life issues with Scripture as the backbone. Many authors have impacted my thinking – they are the books I recommend to friends or give as gifts. I’ll be sharing excerpts from time to time. Today’s quote is from She’s Gonna Blow: real help for moms dealing with anger, by Juli Ann Barnhill.

[as written by Juli Ann Barnhill,  pg. 25-26]

"Perhaps you find yourself in the same position as I found myself. I was a mother thankful for her children but completely blindsided by the person she had become after motherhood. In the days, weeks, and months that followed my first two births, I scarcely recognized myself.

My journals are full of entires written before I delivered either of my first two children. I filled those pages with all my longings to hold them and to love them. I wrote of how I had prayed, even as an eight-year-old girl, that I might one day be a mother. I promised in those pages to be the greatest, most wonderful mom in the entire world.

I was going to be what every mom longs to be… “a good mother” (I know you're nodding your head in agreement here!) –

  • Dynamic
  • Involved
  • Compassionate
  • Fun
  • Inspiring
  • Loving

Honetly, I didn’t have a clue.

All those grandiose pledges worked so well on paper. I could spend hours completing each profound thought and then put my pen aside and go about my pre-children activitie, activities such as teaching school, reading wonderful books, and enganging in long, satisfying conversations with adults.

Then came Kristan and, 18 months later, Ricky Neal, and what I became in those brief few months wasn’t even close to my original list of “good mother” adjectives. Now the list read more like –

  • Impatient
  • Discontent
  • Irritable
  • Depressed
  • Disappointed
  • Angry

Angry? Since when had I been an angry person? I had never thought of myself that way. I would get miffed or irritated or even hacked off, but angry – as in yelling, screaming, or acting out in an uncontrolled manner? Never! Somehow, I became an entirely different woman, and I didn’t like it one bit.

Juli Ann continues to write…

Timeout/Tamer: Do you find yourself assuming that you’re the only mother struggling with anger toward your children? The mother you least expect may be burdened with the most secrets of anger and rage. Make a point of really listening to the mothers around you, and reach out to them. You never know – you may be the lifesaver that someone has been praying for – and you’ll find comfort in knowing you’re not the only one."

This book is full of helpful advice from the “why” of anger, confronting real-life pain, to how to change behavior. I can honestly say I have changed my whole parenting method after reading the true words in this book. Together, my husband and I are working together to stop our standard MO (mode of operation) of angry outbursts when we are frustrated. We’re listening more to our children and finding the root cause of the problem instead of just reacting to the situation. Beautifully, we are enjoying them 150% more. I’m posting more of my struggle with anger on Monday. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk further on this topic. Anger is a very lonely emotion and my darkest days were found when I couldn’t escape my own rage.

-- Alysun
-- aje peters at gmail com (no spaces)

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